Or just myself, Matt, and a few other close friends and family. (And all of Facebook. Duh.)
Anyways, a few days later I got an email from a professor I had done a special research topic for, asking me if I'd like to continue the research project into a possible book deal.
I was pretty much sold at the words "publish" and "book", without really thinking of all the "work" and "time" it would take to get there. That quickly came in to play but I decided it was okay, because I can do ANYTHING!!!! (And really, because I'm a secret Cullen-type vampire who doesn't need any sleep. Which is incredibly false. Sorry I lied to you just there.) Really, I was excited about the opportunity for a while. It made me feel smart, and I was eager to read all these
incredibly boring articles on the topic and then merge all my new-found knowledge into one giant compilation of smart-ness which we would call a book I "wrote" myself. I was to have a mentor who was faculty at the university so I could access the database for articles and not have to pay the $8754 dollars that you usually would have to per article. (Who knew intelligence was so expensive? That's right. Everyone. Especially the government. Wrong topic? Sure.) Theoretically, this mentor was supposed to be able to help me understand the super-science-y parts of the project that I didn't understand. He was supposed to read these articles as I read them, then we would meet and discuss the findings and put them into a coherent format that would eventually become a chapter, then a portion, and then a whole book.
Here's what really happened:
I read a whole bunch of research articles in my free time as a part of a "job" I agreed to do which I was not getting paid for. (I mean, I was getting paid in knowledge, right? But I like money a whole bunch.)
I met with and discussed these articles on several occasions with the mentor, who hadn't read any of the articles, but instead asked me what I had read and then asked more questions about stuff I didn't know (because I admittedly didn't understand some of what I had read. Which was why I was at this meeting.). I'm pretty sure he asked the questions because he felt guilty he hadn't read the articles, but didn't want to waste my time being there. Which, was exactly what he was doing. But I digress.
I stopped reading these articles in such detail. I got in the habit of scanning the important sections for facts (the day of), noting them, and bringing these notes to the meetings hoping that the other member of this party would have read them.
Eventually, near the end of 2011, my mentor became impossible to get a hold of. I couldn't get responses to emails, at some point couldn't get responses to text messages.... all of which simply stated "Have you managed to read those articles? If so, will we require a meeting on _____ day?"
A few weeks ago we met again for the first time since November. That's 5 months. I haven't done anything on this project because not only was I not getting a response, but I found out that he had lost his job with the university, and I assumed that meant everything was dead in the water. Which was fine with me. Really.
Turns out that the mentor wants to continue this project, and assured me that he would be much more accessible and involved from here on out. I placed roughly zero faith in this comment (since I've heard it before), but agreed to meet him on 3/25. The reading assignment agreed upon? Re-read the articles I read a year ago for my comp exams. I didn't read them. I have notes on them and a busy social schedule.
Which brings me to today. And my current conundrum.
I don't have the passion for this project that I initially did. I'm frustrated that I've done all this work with repeated excuses, some of which may have well been boldfaced lies. I've had my time wasted, which I wasn't being compensated for, and I've skipped workout sessions (which are important to me) and time with Matt and my family (also, super important) in order to make these meetings. When I sent an email this morning to confirm that he had read the articles, and to confirm if today's meeting would happen, I've still not received a response.
I want to quit this project. I don't see it going anywhere. I don't do any work on it. My mentor doesn't do any work on it. And it's a complete uncertainty at this point that it would even continue past his current employment situation. I'm not getting paid for this project, and I feel that my time is worth so much more. It's nothing personal, but I'm simply too busy for this kind of time-suckery.
But I committed to it, knowing that it would be a long, tough process. I just envisioned that I would have more support as a part of it.
So my question to you, my dear readers, would you continue the project and honor the commitment you made or would you jump ship and use that extra time for something more substantial? (I realize I've basically answered this question on my own, but I'm seeking some kind of camaraderie here. Tell me I'm making the right decision if I quit, ok?)