Book Project: Dead in the Water????

Roughly one year ago, I successfully finished my graduate comprehensive exam, and the whole world cheered. 

Or just myself, Matt, and a few other close friends and family. (And all of Facebook. Duh.)

Anyways, a few days later I got an email from a professor I had done a special research topic for, asking me if I'd like to continue the research project into a possible book deal. 

I was pretty much sold at the words "publish" and "book", without really thinking of all the "work" and "time" it would take to get there. That quickly came in to play but I decided it was okay, because I can do ANYTHING!!!! (And really, because I'm a secret Cullen-type vampire who doesn't need any sleep. Which is incredibly false. Sorry I lied to you just there.) Really, I was excited about the opportunity for a while. It made me feel smart, and I was eager to read all these incredibly boring articles on the topic and then merge all my new-found knowledge into one giant compilation of smart-ness which we would call a book I "wrote" myself. I was to have a mentor who was faculty at the university so I could access the database for articles and not have to pay the $8754 dollars that you usually would have to per article. (Who knew intelligence was so expensive? That's right. Everyone. Especially the government. Wrong topic? Sure.) Theoretically, this mentor was supposed to be able to help me understand the super-science-y parts of the project that I didn't understand. He was supposed to read these articles as I read them, then we would meet and discuss the findings and put them into a coherent format that would eventually become a chapter, then a portion, and then a whole book. 

Here's what really happened: 

I read a whole bunch of research articles in my free time as a part of a "job" I agreed to do which I was not getting paid for. (I mean, I was getting paid in knowledge, right? But I like money a whole bunch.)

I met with and discussed these articles on several occasions with the mentor, who hadn't read any of the articles, but instead asked me what I had read and then asked more questions about stuff I didn't know (because I admittedly didn't understand some of what I had read. Which was why I was at this meeting.). I'm pretty sure he asked the questions because he felt guilty he hadn't read the articles, but didn't want to waste my time being there. Which, was exactly what he was doing. But I digress. 

I stopped reading these articles in such detail. I got in the habit of scanning the important sections for facts (the day of), noting them, and bringing these notes to the meetings hoping that the other member of this party would have read them. 

Eventually, near the end of 2011, my mentor became impossible to get a hold of. I couldn't get responses to emails, at some point couldn't get responses to text messages.... all of which simply stated "Have you managed to read those articles? If so, will we require a meeting on _____ day?"

A few weeks ago we met again for the first time since November. That's 5 months. I haven't done anything on this project because not only was I not getting a response, but I found out that he had lost his job with the university, and I assumed that meant everything was dead in the water. Which was fine with me. Really. 

Turns out that the mentor wants to continue this project, and assured me that he would be much more accessible and involved from here on out. I placed roughly zero faith in this comment (since I've heard it before), but agreed to meet him on 3/25. The reading assignment agreed upon? Re-read the articles I read a year ago for my comp exams. I didn't read them. I have notes on them and a busy social schedule. 

Which brings me to today. And my current conundrum. 

I don't have the passion for this project that I initially did. I'm frustrated that I've done all this work with repeated excuses, some of which may have well been boldfaced lies. I've had my time wasted, which I wasn't being compensated for, and I've skipped workout sessions (which are important to me) and time with  Matt and my family (also, super important) in order to make these meetings. When I sent an email this morning to confirm that he had read the articles, and to confirm if today's meeting would happen, I've still not received a response. 

I want to quit this project. I don't see it going anywhere. I don't do any work on it. My mentor doesn't do any work on it. And it's a complete uncertainty at this point that it would even continue past his current employment situation. I'm not getting paid for this project, and I feel that my time is worth so much more. It's nothing personal, but I'm simply too busy for this kind of time-suckery.

But I committed to it, knowing that it would be a long, tough process. I just envisioned that I would have more support as a part of it. 

So my question to you, my dear readers, would you continue the project and honor the commitment you made or would you jump ship and use that extra time for something more substantial? (I realize I've basically answered this question on my own, but I'm seeking some kind of camaraderie here. Tell me I'm making the right decision if I quit, ok?)

Leave comments!!! 

Update on the mundane and general

It's been about 2 months since the last update, where I blatantly told you I'd upload all these pictures to the blog, and then I didn't.

It's not that I forgot you (all the time). It's that once I got in there to upload and edit all those damn pictures, it took AGES. I'm completely unfamiliar to photo editing, JPEG isn't easy to work with unless you're saving a copied image, and blogger takes actual years to upload that many photos. Plus, I used to be able to upload as many as I wanted, and then write and insert as I pleased. This streamlined the process and made it simpler. Then blogger went and ruined everything updated their system, and I'm basically lost.

And I'm too busy don't care enough to learn about new blogger. Old blogger was fine.

I'd like to get on here and write about something intellectual that I've been doing or learning or even planning lately, but it seems that my life has become rather consumed with all things wedding planning (okay, that's mostly done), workouts, diets, and general daily mayhem life. Lately I feel like I'm so busy I can barely breathe and that every time I turn around there's something else to do. I realized this past weekend, that never, in my entire life, will I ever truly have a lazy day or weekend where I do nothing. Because that is reserved for people under the age of "adult". And I have apparently reached "adulthood". I'm trying to come to terms with it. It's a combination of understanding that adulthood has many mundane responsibilities, and that weekends aren't actually for relaxing.... they're for catching up on all the shit you can't get done during the workweek. Plus, whenever I sit down to do nothing, I think of something else that has to be done. It generally can wait, but once it's all up in my brain taking residence, I must complete the task.

Who's idea was it to not have any serious holidays between New Years and Easter? (as in, not only teachers and government employees- do you guys ever work?!- Also, totally mostly kidding on that. Don't vilify me. Sarcasm appears to be the internet's final frontier.)  I'm dying here.

We get married in less than 6 months! I'm so excited! My dress should be here in mid-March, so I'm hoping I'll be crazy skinny by then. So you know, I look awesome-er. We have a venue, a caterer, an awesome photographer, a DJ, a wedding planner (who came with the venue), cakes, linens, a booked honeymoon, and half of my bridesmaids have dresses. Save the dates have been sent out (and hopefully received), and we've even gotten presents so far! For which we have personalized thank you cards! Which I always send out the day after I receive a present! I've even started my bridesmaid gifts! Exclamation points! !!!!! !!!!!!!!!! 


I include all this to let you know that even though it might seem like I'm not really on top of anything organizationally, I really am. You just can't see it from blog-land. I've even reread The Hunger Games series, and am halfway through The Help because of audiobooks. Plus I'm actually reading (and am almost done with) A Clash of Kings (the second Game of Thrones book), which I've been reading since 1999 December. I'm making it to the gym 4-6 days a week depending on the week, and I'm even running small distances again. Plus, I ate like, a ton of new foods last week, all healthy, supposedly as a part of "adulthood". It was weird, and I miss chicken strips or plain baked chicken, but I suppose we all have to make sacrifices. I also quit drinking diet soda (and thus, all soda). If any one can help me actually stop eating sugar instead of just talking about it, that'd be great too.

Look! A blog post! Just for you! Chock full of mundane boring-ness, and exclamation points!