I'm not your consultant

I'll admit it, I on occasion do some really stupid things. And I'm a smart girl. So, I'm able to overlook some things that very intelligent people do on account of all sorts of things like:

Stress
A general inability to understand simple concepts without making them hard
Sleep deprivation
Or just generally not wanting to do them

For example:

I am a fully grown, independent, American woman.

And I HATE getting my car maintenanced. (It's a word, now, y'all. Hush.) I hate taking it to get an oil change and tire rotation because it always happens when I'm actually out doing things that require me to look cute, so the chauvinistic Y chromosome behind the counter thinks that I'm just a pretty face (I say this with zero little narcissism) and that I don't know shit about cars besides "They go and they stop."

Which, in a sense, is true. I also know that they need gas in them to go and stop. See? Winning.

But my father did instill in me the importance of regular oil changes, tire rotations, and making sure the tire pressure is adequate. Because no one wants a blow out on the highway and I'm not nearly calm enough to handle that gracefully. So, I bite the bullet every 5,000 miles when my cute little Scion's light goes on and it tells me obnoxiously every day that Maintenance is Required.

Last time, this cost me $175. Because I needed a new tire and Firestone claims I have "low profile" tires, which translates to "expensive," and no, ma'am, we don't have any tires cheaper than $123. Then he called me again while at a baby shower to tell me that my alignment is off and "MUST be fixed today" and that this will cost another $180 for lifetime adjustments.

Well, Mr Firestone dipshit man, I just started a new job, and I haven't been paid in going on 3 weeks, plus I don't feel like charging $400 to my credit card today, so you can take your alignment and shove it up your happy manipulative ass.

Which actually sounded more like "I'll just take what we've previously discussed today. When can I pick it up?" (Matt got to listen to the explicit diatribe. Lucky man.)


There is a point to this blog post.


After quitting my last job (AKA "The most boring job ever with the coordinator from hell"), I thought I was done there. That I wouldn't have to go back and deal with them again. Once I was in new job, I actually realized how horribly unorganized they were, and I thank science every day that I got out when I did and got in to where I am. It really does make such a big difference when you are happy with your job. I come home happy every day. (Except Friday this week, because I sat on a highway entrance ramp for an hour. Traffic makes me exceptionally bitchy. EXCEPTIONALLY BITCHY.)

I was wrong about being done with old job, and now I'm apparently a free consultant. Which mostly pisses me off, because I only work for free at the zoo. And even then, I get cool perks. Like free shirts, the ability to cuddle the animals (after special training I sort of need to get 16.5 more hours to qualify for), free wine and food, and other cool shit. Docenting is awesome.

Anyways, I nicely agreed to attend a meeting with my old boss a week after I left so I could explain to her how I did things while I worked there. Since she was a scheduling nightmare and thinks I have nothing else to do (I'm *not* working another job 40+ hours a week, trying to workout more, doing research on 8,000 papers for a scientific book with an old professor, and then cooking dinner and keeping the apartment clean because Matt is just as busy as I am), I sent her a three page document outlining how I did all the major aspects of my job.

I left out the "Watching the live coverage of the Casey Anthony Trial on cnn.com continuously" part.

While she appreciated this document, she still wanted to meet with me, so I ended up having to go to downtown San Antonio at 5:30 in the afternoon on a weekday, and was thus, pissed. The meeting lasted 45 minutes, and then I had to rush to a dance class. Basically all I did there was fold the contracts open to the budget sheet and place them in a folder that they were already in.

This woman is a MEDICAL DOCTOR.

She writes prescriptions. Writes treatment plans. Is a Chief of Staff.

And she can't figure out contracts and budgets.

I, initially, attributed this to the whole "out of her realm" thing, and tried to be nice about it.

Then she called me yesterday. SATURDAY! While I'm vacuuming, doing laundry, and taking  pictures of our abode. Instead of asking me her questions at that time, she scheduled a phone call for today around 1. Seriously, woman. This is ridiculous.

She's confused about the bills. (Honestly. That was her reasoning.) And my initial thought was, "you pay them. They have a dollar amount on them, and you write a check, and mail it. They'll send you another one in 3 weeks. Sucks, doesn't it?"

I'm a sucker though, and my dad also instilled in me the "not burning bridges" thing, and in my industry once you're hated, you're hated forever. So I agreed.

But now I wish I hadn't.

Graduation Goggles

It's my last day of work at a job I've despised for quite some time now. And it wasn't my bosses that made me hate my job. It was one particular coworker, and the complete lack of anything substantial to do.

Yes, I'd really like to tell this person exactly what I think about them. And I'd LOVE to do it in a blog post. But I'm not that girl. It'd be mean and hateful, and I just don't want that kind of stuff on here. I said I'd leave here via the high road without driving the bus over her, and so I will.Even if she never will read it.

But that doesn't mean I won't leave her with a ton of crap to do that she should have done before I even started working here.....


Anyways, in other news, it all reminds me of The Exploding Meatball Sub episode of "How I Met Your Mother". They talk about "graduation goggles", which is that nostalgic feeling you get when something you despise is ending. Like high school, or working here. I wanted to embed a clip of it, but it's actually quite challenging to find one. So.... no clip for you.  

I will leave this photo, though. Because it's a more accurate description of Graduation Goggles in the workplace.

Since Marshall (who's name I can never remember) is quitting his job, he goes through this whole sequence of making his most despised moments actually happy memories. And it makes him second guess his decision. I didn't have that experience. I still very much fear that Monday morning, CTT will tell me that they didn't hire me and it was all a silly dream. (But thanks, crazy lady, would you be interested in participating in a research study?) I do remember how excited I was to start this job, how very cool it was to be getting not one but two offices in San Antonio, my own Blackberry (in addition to my personal iPhone), business cards, and the elite-ness of a management position. And then I walked in and met my coordinator. Who, as previously discussed, is a generally miserable excuse for a human being that decided to make my employment here hell from the very moment she laid eyes on me. I never trusted her, and was proven to be correct in that instinct throughout my tenure here as I made more and more discoveries of just how self-serving and non-cooperative she really is. I remember my first ever study that I initiated from feasibility to green-light, my first big contract, my first real business trip, and losing my first trial. This job was important to me in many ways, but as time went on, and things became less shiny and more real-world, I realized that this job was not at all what I thought it was nor what I honestly believed it had the potential to be. As long as the evil coordinator works here, this place will never grow into everything that the PI's want it to be. Primarily because she has a complete aversion to change (which I attribute to age, ignorance, and egotism) and the PI's are too scared they can't find someone to replace her. That is what makes me most sad about this place. The PI's are fantastic, they're excellent physicians and some of the best people I've ever worked for. They want this place to be the best it can be, and there's a huge market for clinical research in San Antonio, and they could stand to make a lot of money off of this industry if they just had someone running their company who really cared about it as much as they cared about themselves. And the coordinator they have now is not that person. I tried to be, but was blocked from doing so by evil coordinator.

The truth is, I won't miss this place. At all. But I made a friend here in Rita, who is our research assistant and a general badass person. Plus, she actually does all her work and our evil coordinator's work. While I blog. And become a desk accessory/paperweight during my last two weeks. (While also taking 5 days off.) Rita's awesome, and I know she sometimes reads this blog, so shout out to you, I'll totally miss you. Thanks for being such a great person and coworker, and if you ever need a reference for a new job, you've got my number. <3

Additionally, it stands to be noted that in the two weeks since I accepted new job, and turned in my resignation for old job I've gotten three different offers for interviews and jobs. All of which I've declined for one reason or another. I'm really excited about the company I'll be working for starting Monday. And that in itself says a lot.

I have a lot to do today, actually. Most of it is "finishing up" kind of stuff. I need to finish some budgetary stuff from this year, and change my passwords for my email, write my auto-response message, forward my emails to evil coordinator (dude, INCLUDING ALL THE SPAM), turn in my keys, clear out my internet cache (so no one can find my chloroform searches) and take all the shit that *actually* belongs to me home with me. Among other things. Hopefully I can get out of here early, as well, because it's not only Friday for me, but my last Friday here. And I have a date tonight. With a cute guy. Who I live with. (Still fun to say.)

HAPPY HARRY POTTER DAY!!!!!!!!!


See how I did that? How I waited until the actual calendar day of the Harry Potter release date before I told you Happy Harry Potter Day (which will from here on out be referred to as HHPD, or HPD if you aren't happy about it)??? It's a magical skill, actually, that I've worked on for years and years called patience. It's still very much a work in progress. Baby steps, people, baby steps.

So, I've cleaned off my desk of the actual shit I need to do today, and I feel it's about time I get rid of it. Because the sooner I do that, the sooner I can peace outta here.